Margaret V.
When I was 8 years old, my father who was an alcoholic, was in a car accident from drinking and driving and ended up being in a coma for 3 months. When he came through, he had to be retaught everything from eating, to bathing, and even talking. He had suffered what I now call a TBI (traumatic brain injury). The part of his brain that was affected caused him to lose his short term memory. So, he couldn't recall things he did 5 minutes ago, but could remember things he did 5 years ago.
Because of many factors, but the main one being his TBI, when he came home, he became very physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to especially my mother and oldest sister. I tended to be the "protector" even though I was the baby of the family and would find myself getting hurt because I got in the middle of a fight and was trying to protect my family.
I lived my life after this traumatic event in fear and anxiety. Fear of my father killing one of us and fear of losing another loved one. I began to smoke cigarettes at the age of 11, started drinking at the age of 12, and began to smoke marijuana at the age of 14. At the age of 18, I began to seek love from the wrong kind of men and began to be promiscuous. By the time I was 26, I was such a mess. I was sick all the time and had a lot of health issues and literally thought I was dying and that my lifestyle was finally catching up with me and I was going to get the punishment I deserved.
I was at a point where I was living a double life. One where I was working full time and 2-3 part time jobs and going to college, but in the evenings, especially on the weekends, I was partying so much I was passing out and waking up with a stranger in my bed. I was filled with so much shame and guilt over my past and present decisions and lost in a sea of loneliness, feeling empty and like there was no hope.
Well...God had a different plan. I was currently taking a Religion Course because I had dropped out of Philosophy (I didn't understand one word the professor said in a 3 hour lecture. LOL) One of my assignments was to visit a Buddhist Temple in Ann Arbor (at the time, I was living in Jackson). I really didn't want to commute another day, so I tried to come up with an alternative. The first person that came to mind was my obnoxious uncle who had "found Jesus" and was always trying to get me to go to his church. I had heard crazy stories about people falling out under the power of God and people speaking in another language, and thought to myself, "that'll be a great story". So, I asked my professor and he okayed it and I went there the next week. I remember being so nervous (filled with shame) and scared. I called my uncle and asked him what to wear, what time to get there, etc. He generously invited me to go out to eat with him and my aunt after the service. He was so excited that I was going.
Long story, shorter...I walked into that church feeling so seen, loved, and accepted by everyone I met. I found myself crying during worship. (I couldn't believe they had a full band and singers! LOL) I was drawn back to the church time and time again. Within 3 months, I surrendered my life to Jesus and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. I knew that I couldn't live the life I was living any longer and that I needed a Savior. I believed that day that He died for me on the cross, was buried, and rose from the dead 3 days later and that He lives today in the hearts of all of those who believe and call Him Lord. I have been set free from shame, addiction, fear, anxiety, and promiscuity and now live life to the fullest, knowing that it's not going to be easy or perfect, but He's with me the whole way and promises to never leave. He's done so much for me and through me that I never could have even imagined and I am and will forever be eternally grateful. And just so you know...He'll do the same for you. He loves you with an everlasting love and is just waiting for you to surrender.
Because of many factors, but the main one being his TBI, when he came home, he became very physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to especially my mother and oldest sister. I tended to be the "protector" even though I was the baby of the family and would find myself getting hurt because I got in the middle of a fight and was trying to protect my family.
I lived my life after this traumatic event in fear and anxiety. Fear of my father killing one of us and fear of losing another loved one. I began to smoke cigarettes at the age of 11, started drinking at the age of 12, and began to smoke marijuana at the age of 14. At the age of 18, I began to seek love from the wrong kind of men and began to be promiscuous. By the time I was 26, I was such a mess. I was sick all the time and had a lot of health issues and literally thought I was dying and that my lifestyle was finally catching up with me and I was going to get the punishment I deserved.
I was at a point where I was living a double life. One where I was working full time and 2-3 part time jobs and going to college, but in the evenings, especially on the weekends, I was partying so much I was passing out and waking up with a stranger in my bed. I was filled with so much shame and guilt over my past and present decisions and lost in a sea of loneliness, feeling empty and like there was no hope.
Well...God had a different plan. I was currently taking a Religion Course because I had dropped out of Philosophy (I didn't understand one word the professor said in a 3 hour lecture. LOL) One of my assignments was to visit a Buddhist Temple in Ann Arbor (at the time, I was living in Jackson). I really didn't want to commute another day, so I tried to come up with an alternative. The first person that came to mind was my obnoxious uncle who had "found Jesus" and was always trying to get me to go to his church. I had heard crazy stories about people falling out under the power of God and people speaking in another language, and thought to myself, "that'll be a great story". So, I asked my professor and he okayed it and I went there the next week. I remember being so nervous (filled with shame) and scared. I called my uncle and asked him what to wear, what time to get there, etc. He generously invited me to go out to eat with him and my aunt after the service. He was so excited that I was going.
Long story, shorter...I walked into that church feeling so seen, loved, and accepted by everyone I met. I found myself crying during worship. (I couldn't believe they had a full band and singers! LOL) I was drawn back to the church time and time again. Within 3 months, I surrendered my life to Jesus and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. I knew that I couldn't live the life I was living any longer and that I needed a Savior. I believed that day that He died for me on the cross, was buried, and rose from the dead 3 days later and that He lives today in the hearts of all of those who believe and call Him Lord. I have been set free from shame, addiction, fear, anxiety, and promiscuity and now live life to the fullest, knowing that it's not going to be easy or perfect, but He's with me the whole way and promises to never leave. He's done so much for me and through me that I never could have even imagined and I am and will forever be eternally grateful. And just so you know...He'll do the same for you. He loves you with an everlasting love and is just waiting for you to surrender.
Posted in God Thing