Samantha P.
I grew up in a Buddhist family and never truly practiced the faith. I knew of God, but I didn’t understand what a real relationship with Jesus was. For a long time, I lived my life picking and choosing when I wanted God involved. I went to church, heard the sermons, and related to parts of them, but I never let God truly change my heart.
During COVID, I fell into addiction. I got out, but not completely. That struggle followed me into one of my pregnancies, and I almost lost my children and my family because of it. I felt ashamed and broken. I questioned why I would even run back to God after only seeking Him when it was convenient, especially when I felt like my prayers had gone unanswered. In the middle of my addiction, I was begging God to save me, while continuing to return to the very sin I was asking Him to rescue me from. I cried out for freedom even as I was trapped in the cycle, feeling torn between conviction and bondage. I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet I felt powerless to stop.
Then there was a moment that stopped me. In the middle of my sin, I heard a voice say, “What if this was your last one, the one that actually kills you?” That question pierced my heart. I was forced to face the reality that I could die, that I could lose everything, and that this might be the moment I never came back from. But I was wrong to think God had turned away from me. God never left me. He knew what I was going through before it even happened. He was waiting for me to truly need Him—to realize I couldn’t do life without Him. I was using drugs while begging God to save me, and it took almost losing everything for me to understand that only He could pull me out of my pit. And He did. God showed me grace upon grace. He forgave me, cleansed me, and rescued me. My children were never taken from me. My husband never gave up on me. I should have lost my children. I should have overdosed. I should have died. But I knew God wasn’t done with me yet. Today, I stand here by the grace of God alone. I will glorify His name through my testimony, because He deserves all the glory.
During COVID, I fell into addiction. I got out, but not completely. That struggle followed me into one of my pregnancies, and I almost lost my children and my family because of it. I felt ashamed and broken. I questioned why I would even run back to God after only seeking Him when it was convenient, especially when I felt like my prayers had gone unanswered. In the middle of my addiction, I was begging God to save me, while continuing to return to the very sin I was asking Him to rescue me from. I cried out for freedom even as I was trapped in the cycle, feeling torn between conviction and bondage. I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet I felt powerless to stop.
Then there was a moment that stopped me. In the middle of my sin, I heard a voice say, “What if this was your last one, the one that actually kills you?” That question pierced my heart. I was forced to face the reality that I could die, that I could lose everything, and that this might be the moment I never came back from. But I was wrong to think God had turned away from me. God never left me. He knew what I was going through before it even happened. He was waiting for me to truly need Him—to realize I couldn’t do life without Him. I was using drugs while begging God to save me, and it took almost losing everything for me to understand that only He could pull me out of my pit. And He did. God showed me grace upon grace. He forgave me, cleansed me, and rescued me. My children were never taken from me. My husband never gave up on me. I should have lost my children. I should have overdosed. I should have died. But I knew God wasn’t done with me yet. Today, I stand here by the grace of God alone. I will glorify His name through my testimony, because He deserves all the glory.
Posted in God Thing