Tara R
I was molested at a very young age, by a family who I was forced to be around almost daily because my Dad was friends with their Dad. My Dad was a drunk and I never really had the Father figure roll growing up since he cared more about alcohol than most other things.
I remember always doing things that would get his attention growing up, trying to be closer to him: fishing, karate, I learned magic because he was a magician, I even learned how to work on cars just to be outside with him. The lack of a Father role growing up caused me to search for love and attention with all the wrong people. Men who were toxic and broken, made me feel like I was the broken one to accept what they were doing to me. I was physically beaten, mentally abused.
I started drinking and smoking at a young age and was partying constantly by the age of 14. I asked to be saved in 2007, when I was pregnant through rape with my oldest daughter. My own mother doesn’t even know I was raped, because I feel like what happened to me was my punishment for the lifestyle I was living. I got married in 2018 to a “Christian” man who was one of the worst men I had been with. The narcissist behavior didn’t start until we got married and I had our child. He turned away from my daughter and made it known she wasn’t his and our daughter was his only kid. My oldest became depressed and hid in her room constantly. He then became verbally abusive to me as well, calling me many names and making me feel like I wasn’t good enough constantly. I would lock myself in my room (I kicked him out to the couch) and just hide and cry because I didn’t want to be another divorce statistic. I finally got the courage to divorce him and save me and my oldest from his toxic behavior. I knew I needed to be the foundation of what a good marriage and good parent was suppose to look like, and this wasn’t it.
I met my now husband who was an atheist for 30 years of his life. We met back in high school and reconnected many years later, by God's timing of course. I asked him to come to Mother’s Day and Easter services with me since they were my favorite, just to get him to come with me. And that led to him asking to be saved last Easter, then our family getting baptized together last November. Since then, we have joined the creative arts team at Connection, took a Be One class, did inner healing sessions, and am now helping Ben with the kids on Wednesday nights. Struggles still happen, but we have God now and the peace that is felt through Him is what saved me.
I remember always doing things that would get his attention growing up, trying to be closer to him: fishing, karate, I learned magic because he was a magician, I even learned how to work on cars just to be outside with him. The lack of a Father role growing up caused me to search for love and attention with all the wrong people. Men who were toxic and broken, made me feel like I was the broken one to accept what they were doing to me. I was physically beaten, mentally abused.
I started drinking and smoking at a young age and was partying constantly by the age of 14. I asked to be saved in 2007, when I was pregnant through rape with my oldest daughter. My own mother doesn’t even know I was raped, because I feel like what happened to me was my punishment for the lifestyle I was living. I got married in 2018 to a “Christian” man who was one of the worst men I had been with. The narcissist behavior didn’t start until we got married and I had our child. He turned away from my daughter and made it known she wasn’t his and our daughter was his only kid. My oldest became depressed and hid in her room constantly. He then became verbally abusive to me as well, calling me many names and making me feel like I wasn’t good enough constantly. I would lock myself in my room (I kicked him out to the couch) and just hide and cry because I didn’t want to be another divorce statistic. I finally got the courage to divorce him and save me and my oldest from his toxic behavior. I knew I needed to be the foundation of what a good marriage and good parent was suppose to look like, and this wasn’t it.
I met my now husband who was an atheist for 30 years of his life. We met back in high school and reconnected many years later, by God's timing of course. I asked him to come to Mother’s Day and Easter services with me since they were my favorite, just to get him to come with me. And that led to him asking to be saved last Easter, then our family getting baptized together last November. Since then, we have joined the creative arts team at Connection, took a Be One class, did inner healing sessions, and am now helping Ben with the kids on Wednesday nights. Struggles still happen, but we have God now and the peace that is felt through Him is what saved me.
Posted in God Thing